Our New Home

Matt and I just signed a new lease on a 2 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom in San Jose. Yay!

Our current place is nice and has been a cozy home, but it's small and far from any highways. Now that our lease is up, they are also raising our rent to an amount that we feel is ridiculously high (especially for our square footage), and they are going to be doing construction in our unit. They will be taking out the in-unit washer/dryer and replacing them outside in our current storage closet, which is packed to capacity with our belongings. The construction would turn off our power and water for about 10 days, we couldn't be there during that time, and we would have to board Hunter. The apartment complex isn't offering any discounts or concessions for the time and inconvenience, but instead are raising the rent because they say the construction results will make the unit more valuable. We disagree.

Since November, I have been looking at Craigslist to see what's on the rental market. In February I picked things up and started also looking at any other rental website I could find in order to find a new place. February 14th we got the construction notice and I started frantically driving by places, sending emails, leaving messages, and stalking the internet. We wanted to be out of here before construction started! I feel so blessed that we found a place and we are moving in next Tuesday.

Our new place is in a small, gated community, which is in a family-friendly neighborhood area of San Jose. It is right down the street from San Jose Community College and also near a local high end shopping area called Santana Row, and Valley Fair Mall. It takes about 2 minutes to get to 280, which is what Matt and I both take to get to work. Our current place takes us about 10-15 minutes to reach 280. Although we are moving further south our commute should be about the same amount of time.

Our new place has Pergo hardwood floors downstairs with tile in the kitchen. There is a large slate patio outside off of the kitchen. There is also a half bath off of the living room. Upstairs are 2 bedrooms with en suite bathrooms. There is also a laundry area. There is about 1100 sq ft in our new place, where our current place is right around 700 sq ft.

This week we get the keys and I will be painting and moving a few things over. Next Tuesday the movers come and will move all of our furniture. Matt and I are very excited to begin this next year in a new and bigger place! We'll share more pictures soon!

I will be painting this long wall with a tan color to unite the two rooms, highlight the floors, baseboards, crown moldings and bring a warm feeling to the space.  

Looking from the kitchen to the front door. 

The kitchen. Granite countertops and backsplash. There's a dishwasher to the right of the sink.  

Full sized laundry. In unit. :)

One of the en suite bathrooms upstairs. The other looks like this but with a tub. 

Cassettes or Facets

Rewind to... wait maybe you don't know what it means to rewind. Umm, ok well if you were around in the 90s think back to scrunchies, hammer pants, ska, and discovering the internet. Yes. I said DISCOVERING the internet (it's really not that long ago that it came into our homes). Then think back to cassette tapes. Glorious, memorable, and personal mix tapes. Maybe a little NKOTB, Backstreet Boys, or O.C. Supertones? Yes, now you're on the right track (track... haha... get it?). Oh the 90s! So now that we've reminisced about some of the highlights of the 90s, I want you to focus on cassettes. Now switch the C in cassettes with an F and what do you have.... FACETS. Awesome! Wait, what?


Facets are specialized joints that connect the vertebrae of the spine to one another. When someone has facet joint pain and inflammation it can be misinterpreted as a herniated disc, a fracture, or a torn muscle in the low back. The pain is local but also can radiate down, up, and out. According to a spine health website, facet joint pain "episodes can be frequent and quite unpredictable in both timing and extent. Patients are often left with the notion that this is a psychosomatic problem, and it may even be implied that "it’s all in your head."(http://www.spine-health.com/conditions/arthritis/symptoms-and-diagnosis-facet-joint-problems) 


If you read my last blog then you know I sometimes struggle with feeling like people- anyone from doctors to people I know- don't believe me and tell me it's all in my head but I know it's not. My last blog wasn't aimed at anyone in particular but at this mysterious pain that I feel but others can't see. So many doctors have told me it's my endo, but deep down I knew it had to be more than that. Now it looks like the problem is deep down- in my spine. 


I saw a new doctor today and we're setting up an appointment to inject me with 6 shots. Using a live x-ray, he will inject them into the facets and nerves, and then we will wait a week and see if the pain cleared at all or not. The pain clearing (for any amount of time) helps to diagnose that the pain is indeed coming from the faces, however, the injections will not keep the pain away. It is only to diagnose. So if it works we will need to look at possible surgeries, shots, or therapies to try. If it doesn't work, then we will have to come back to the table and reexamine other issues and options. But it's a starting point. 


And right now, that littlest bit of hope is all I need. 




Well, and maybe some NKOTB. 

"Do Not"

If you know my nephew Ben then you can hear his little voice saying this phrase as he waggles one tiny 3-year-old index finger back and forth at you. I hear it every time I think of this phrase.

Sometimes I think that if this illness, disease, or whatever health issue it is that I have had lurking in my body the last dozen years (yes, I said dozen) were shown as a giant X, or perhaps some scary looking distortion of my body, then people would believe me when I say I'm sick. When I miss an event. When I say I don't feel well. When I have to cancel because I'm in too much pain. Instead, because I look normal, people think I'm mean, a disappointment, a flake, or selfish. Do you even know how painful that is? How hurtful and frustrating? I'm already well aware of how much life I am missing and you just had the nerve to rub it in my face and make it all about you. Awesome. Friend.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if you could see my pain.

What if my insides were on my outsides and you could see my scarred and twisted tissues and organs. Would you believe me then? Would you still say I'm a liar and a fake? What if every time I felt pain, you felt the same pain? Would you still tell me to suck it up and try harder? What if every time I cried because I missed yet another event I was looking forward to, you had to hold my hand and tell me you understood instead of talking about me behind my back? What if?

Just because you may see me with hair and make up done and looking normal doesn't mean I'm fine. What you don't know is how long it took me to get ready, how much pain I was in, and how many breaks I had to take just to get that simple task accomplished. What if you really knew what my day was like?

When sitting, standing, walking, bending over, sleeping, cooking, working- every move hurts. Every move you take for granted. When nothing eases the pain. When you can't remember the last time you slept through the night, not because you have kids waking you up, but because you're in so much pain. What if you really knew what it was like to be in my shoes? I know my condition could be so much worse, and trust me I am forever grateful, but it still doesn't give you the right to spout the it-could-be-worse speech and blow me off or throw in the towel.

I try so hard to stay positive, because it's the only way to get through each day and find even the smallest victory, but sometimes when I hear things that people say about me I can't help but think, "Do Not."

Job Offer

It was an afternoon full of anticipation, checking my makeup, checking the clock, and wandering around wondering what it was exactly that I was waiting for. I had a faint idea it was coming but the details were a mystery. And then the doorbell rang. I nervously smiled, got up off the couch where, let's face it, I don't even know what I was watching on TV, and walked to the front door. I may have peeked through the peephole but I don't remember. Then I knew- this was IT. The moment I had dreamed of. I opened the door. 

My best friend stood on the other side of the threshold, dressed outrageously in a Cat in the Hat costume, and trick or treating for my love. His prearranged message flew out of his head and instead he said something neither of us can remember exactly, accidentally forgot about a diamond ring waiting in his pocket, told me he loved me, and asked me to marry him. In my excitement I told him yes and gave him a big hug- and then asked him to PLEASE take off the silly costume! The ring was remembered, displayed, and placed on my finger while my daddy snapped a picture. A precious memory waiting to take place since the day I knew these kinds of moments existed. This was the most important job offer I ever accepted. 

Most people don't think of a marriage as a job, and if they do it has a negative connotation, but it was recently brought to my attention to challenge that. You know that last month I left my job with Stanford and have been taking care of my health. This challenge reminded me though that my marriage is my new job and I'm called to work at it with commitment, creativity, passion, and faithfulness through my attitude and actions. I can't wait! 

Often in relationships - be it romantic, friendships, parents, or siblings- we are distracted by health, feelings, amount of sleep, stress, and distractions. We weakly "try" to make them work, then realize it's work, and abandon our goals. When looking at relationships this way there is no surprise in the statistics of divorce, estrangement, and depression from loneliness. I want my relationship to focus on putting my husband first, communicating more, and stopping my selfish attitudes (which realistically means working on them with his help and gentle reminders). I want my actions, words, and attitudes to let him know how much I love, appreciate, and cherish him. Some of you may feel this is all newlywed fantasy but I have been challenged to forge a new path and commit to staying on it, which means remembering and focusing on these goals no matter which anniversary we are nearing. 

While I focus on this new job, I am also starting another new job. A family with three children (ages 5, almost 7, and 9) have asked for me to help them part time. I have the mornings for PT, the gym, down time, cleaning, laundry, errands, or time with friends. In the afternoons I head north to Atherton where I help the kids get home from school, fix snacks, help with homework, help with laundry, do cooking projects, become a lava monster, a bug seeker, a not-so-pro touch football player, a contractor, a race car driver, and an explorer. I love the family and I love the fact that their home is built for tall people so helping never means overextending my back over low countertops. :) 

I look forward to building relationships with this family, the extra money it will bring in, and that it still allows for me to work on my health. It will also help keep me moving, which is important with my therapy, but doesn't strain my health. Most important though, is my job to love my husband to the best of my abilities. I'll be keeping you posted on both but for now I'm celebrating in the blessings of what I have been gifted. 

Forget Dr. Pepper...

Forget Dr. Pepper and it's 20-something flavors, I feel like we're moving on to 99 Bottles of You-Know-What. Ugh! Today I got yet another theory from yet another physical therapist. This one thinks my back pain may be related to my hip flexors. Here's a little background on what that is:

According to the website laurensfitness.com the hip flexors are "a group of muscles that flex the hip. [Many] muscles actually flex the hip, but two that are specifically referred to as hip flexors. The Illiopsoas group consists of the Psoas and the Iliacus. Both attach to the femur. However the Psoas attaches to the lower back, whereas the Iliacus attaches to your hipbone.Sitting down puts these muscles in a shortened position, and as a result leaves them pretty tight. The Psoas attaches to the lower back, if it's tight, it can pull your back forward, and is a common cause of back pain." In this picture you can see how they attach to the front and back, which can tilt the pelvis. 

The physical therapist now wants to work on getting me into a neutral position, which means working on my mechanics and everyday movements. They want me to re-learn lying down and getting up. Getting in and out of the car. How I stand. How I sit. Believe it or not, I'm now being told I have "too good of posture" and have been sitting too straight. (Hear that mom???) Sitting too straight can cause pressure and tighten the flexors. Getting into a neutral position means that I support my back, give relief by minimal compression, and relax those muscles.

I'm getting really tired of so many theories and no answers, but I am trying to stay positive and be grateful for doctors who keep looking for reasons and things that can help. They are thinking outside of the box to rule out issues, which does show progress, and keep working towards finding me relief. I'm so grateful for these people who put their heads together before my sessions to discuss options to work on with me. Even if later they smile and laugh while they inflict pain on me, but that's their job after all. :)