Remembering Joy

The world is full of images that we perceive as beautiful, and it's hard to make your way through life and the clutter of propagandized messages. It's easy to turn your eyes to others and try to measure your worth, but the problem with that method is that you will always find yourself failing.

"I should be thinner. I should have more defined muscles...and oh yes, no cellulite. Beautiful girls don't have cellulite. My hair should look like a professional came to my house and did it, except that I did it myself. And of course my make up too. That should be perfectly applied and I am supposed to look like I stepped out of the pages of a magazine. All of my outfits should be cute and accessorized, and I should probably have some ridiculously expensive bag. That's what real girls have, right? And I should be able to run for miles- without sweating because that's gross and of course my makeup has to look spectacular- and look like I belong in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition..."

Of course I know these are unrealistic ramblings, but I have to admit they constantly run through my mind. As I pulled out my point-and-shoot to document my 30 day workout results, I found myself really struggling with comparing myself to unrealistic ideals and feeling like I had failed. Why wasn't I looking perfect? I had 30 days after all!

I wondered if I should follow through. If I should even take the photos. I began to doubt the changes I was seeing, and even question my ability to reach my goals. Yet I knew that I had decided to make a change. I had committed to getting stronger and working out. And I knew that with those two steps taken, I was going to succeed. I just needed to remember my joy. I needed to turn my vision from comparing myself to others and instead focus on my own accomplishments.

So I gave myself a real talking to. "Young lady," I told myself, "you have a broken vertebrae and yet you just completed 30 days of exercise! You went from sitting on that flat fanny to working out 5-6 days a week! That's something to be proud of!" I pulled out my measuring tape, scale, and camera, took a deep breath, and then I started with the facts.

My weight was the same. Yet I couldn't look at that as a failure- hey, I didn't gain any weight, right? And my goal wasn't to lose weight. Good. Moving on. I lost half an inch on each thigh. Okay, well that's not a huge difference but it is a difference and if I keep working then that number can only grow. Even if it's growing slowly. My other measurements weren't too changed so I put on my bathing suit, grabbed my camera, and faced my fears in the mirror. And then like any girl I had to study the pictures closely. Slowly yet surely, looking at the body I knew so well, I began to see the slightest of changes. And I decided to claim them. I wasn't going to get bummed on myself about not seeing drastic changes, I wasn't going to tell myself they weren't good enough to acknowledge or celebrate, and I wasn't going to disrespect my hard work by telling myself I was a failure. I had committed to something and I was going to follow through. Which meant I had to write this and post the pictures. Like it or not.

I have to constantly remind myself to look at my own path and accomplishments instead of those messages the world keeps flashing left and right of me. I rob myself of the ability to be happy with who I am and what I have every time I allow my eyes to wander and my mind to desire something that someone else has. I am finding that, along with my commitment to my health, I'm learning to be content with myself and my life. And that's a stunning result I didn't expect to find! Here's to the next 30 days of my 60 day challenge!

30 days: front

30 days: back

30 days: side

San Diego Wedding Weekend

After my whirlwind weekend in Ventura, I had a few days at work, awaited Matt's arrival from China on Tuesday night, did loads and loads of laundry, packed again, and headed to SFO for a late night flight to San Diego. After a delayed flight, we landed, picked up our Subaru rental car, and headed the one block to our room at the Sheraton in the San Diego harbor. We wondered why we didn't just walk to the hotel after waiting 20 minutes for the rental car shuttle at 1:30am. By 2:30am we were fast asleep and dreaming about our day at Sea World!

Thursday morning involved applying a lot of sunscreen, grabbing a bite to eat, and heading to a day full of Shamu and friends. Yay!!! We caught a couple shows- Shamu, and the Sea Lions- both were entertaining and fun as usual. Matt had booked Dine with Shamu as a surprise so we headed there at noon, ate our fill of a delicious all-you-can-eat buffet, and had an up-close experience with Shamu's friends.

Dine with Shamu

Dine with Shamu

Shamu show

We opted out of sitting in the Splash Zone

Shamu show

After lunch we visited the aquarium and found some strange creatures along with penguins, napping polar bears, sharks, otters, sting rays, and dolphins.

Rock Fish...really? Who knew?!

I didn't even see them at first! 

Lion Fish

Flamingos!

We headed back to the hotel around 4pm to get cleaned up for dinner and meet up with our friends and fellow groomsmen, as well as the groom of course! We decided to visit a Yelp favorite, Phil's BBQ, and arrived to find a line around the building. Well, what else did we have to do? Nothing. So we stood in line for almost 2 hours, caught up, reminisced over college memories, and laughed a lot! We finally sat down to enjoy some awesome BBQ, ate till we were stuffed, and decided to head over to a local bar, The Silver Spigot- a classy San Diego joint. And by classy I mean, "Stay classy San Diego" Anchorman style. After a few pool games we headed back to the hotel for the night to rest up for the following rehearsal day fun.

On Friday the guys got their tuxes, and by the time they arrived back, we had all arrived at the hotel and were ready for some more fun: Tony and his girlfriend Phung, Cody and his girlfriend Alaina, Matt and me, Scott (groom) and his brother Keith. We headed to a deli for some sandwiches and then across the street to Miramar Speed Circuit for some go-kart racing.

Naturally we let the groom win.

Later that evening we got cleaned up, headed to the church for rehearsal, and then to dinner on the beach. Every night Sea World does fireworks at 10pm and we were able to watch them over the water after dinner. A great way to end a great day! Saturday was a non-stop day. We got up, Matt got his hair cut, the groomsmen came to get ready in our room, I got ready in Alaina's room, the guys left in the limo for the church, and the girls (Alaina and Phung) and I got in the Subaru to head to the ceremony. We made an emergency stop at Wendy's after the groomsmen called to say they hadn't eaten all day and neither had the groom. We arrived loaded with happy meals and snacks, dropped the food to the guys, and got our seats. After the ceremony the girls loaded up again, headed towards Balboa Park for the reception, and hung out with friends. I was able to catch up with our friends Forrest and Amanda, and met new friends too. During the reception we had dinner, dancing, and lots of laughter!

So happy to have some time together at the end of the day! 

New friends and fellow groomsmen

Laughing with Tony and Phung

After the wedding we went back to the hotel to grab some snacks at the hotel bar and then headed to bed after saying goodbye-for-now. On Sunday we grabbed a flight back to SFO and arrived home around 4:30pm where Hunter was awaiting our arrival after having a great few days with our friend Bianca (Thanks B!!!! <3) It's been a crazy week but it was a ton of fun!

Family Weekend

This last weekend I was able to take a road trip with Hunter down to Ventura to see my family for Ben's 4th birthday. I shuffled some doctor appointments around so I could leave Friday morning and we arrived by early afternoon. My mom treated me to a manicure, and in the evening my sister and the boys came over for dinner and a swim.

Little fishie

"Hey guys, I think this hat's too small!"

Trying to convince Hunter to jump in

Hunter has been in the ocean before but he had never been in the pool so I was eager to try out his water skills. We found that he can swim well but he doesn't enjoy it- he obviously doesn't take after my side of the family. ;)

On Saturday I had a visit with my good friend, Kristina, while she cut and colored my hair. Afterwards, my mom and I went shopping for a dress and shoes for some weddings coming up. We ended up finding a great dress (and great deal!) at Alexis Bridal in Oxnard, where my mom got her dress for my wedding. That night we headed over to my sister's for a dessert birthday party for Ben, and Hunter had lots of fun chasing- and destroying- any ball he could find. It was so nice to see so many family members that I hadn't seen in months!

Ben and Hunter play fetch

(The action shot)

Nathan playing with Hunter

Nathan and Hunter play fetch

A love-love relationship: Nathan loves to throw and Hunter loves to catch

Our athletic dog

Auntie Den and Ben drawing birthday balloons on the chalkboard

Nathan enjoys some birthday pie with Grandma and Auntie Den

Great Grandpa Al and Ben

Playing Peek-A-Boo with Auntie Den

On Sunday we went to church and then my mom and I headed to my grandma's house to have a coconut cream pie date (I don't know anyone other than my grandma who loves this pie as much as I do) with my Aunt Debra, who was visiting from New Mexico. Later that afternoon my sister, the boys, and my sister's friend came over for another pool party and dinner. On Monday morning we headed back up north to start the work week and get ready for our friend's wedding in San Diego this weekend!

A Sprinkling of Updates

#1: Awhile ago I posted about the C-Dog Festival near Santa Cruz. The event website finally posted pictures so, as promised, here they are!

Liz's mom, Me, Liz, and Jessica

Hunter and his friend Maverick (Liz's dog)

#2: I've had a bit of a health flare-up lately and it has really impacted my TBB workouts which I am SO FRUSTRATED about. I'm headed to the doctor this morning to check on my medications and see what's up. I'm trying to keep up still but I'm definitely not keeping up like I was just a week ago. I know you only get out what you put in so I am still determined to try but also have to be mindful of not making things worse. It's quite a balance to figure out and I have a few more days till the half-way point.

#3: This weekend Hunter and I are headed down to Ventura for my nephew's 4th Birthday! Yikes- he's getting so big! We're hoping to have some splish-splashing in the pool (including Hunter) and looking forward to some family time. I'll do my best to have some pictures to post after we return! 

He may be turning 4-years-old but I still think of Ben like this

The Nanny Life

Lately I've been feeling an overwhelming sense of honor at the career path I have.

When people used to ask me what I do for work I would want to mumble, "Ahem um, nanny... but let's talk more about you..." I'd then feel like I needed to convince them that, no, I am not a babysitter, and nor am I even a glorified babysitter. A nanny is a whole other position.

You see, Mom's trust me with their most precious creations- their children. These are the joy of a mom's heart. Her most cherished loves. And she entrusts them to me. She's not just trusting me with making sure they get a snack, changing a diaper, or building a Duplo tower. She's handing over all the moments that she wishes she could be there for, that maybe she's even dreamed about, but that she is unable to attend. She is asking me to make the most of these moments, to absorb every detail, and to share them with her so that she can feel a part of it.

As a nanny I have helped take children on vacation, taught them potty-training, taken them to the doctor, their first swim lessons, and their first dentist appointment. I encourage them, I discipline them in love, and I nurture them. This is my job description- to fully love a child who is not mine, and then walk away from their life when the time comes.

While I am with a family though, a mom trusts me to treat her child like she would. When they run and trip on their own toes, I dry tears, calm fears, and soothe, "Oh no- did you fall? That's a scary feeling, huh? I know, but I have you, it's okay..." I help prepare for new events in life by talking about what will happen, what it will be like, and practicing with much-adored stuffed animals. "Bear is going to the dentist. He'll get to sit in a special chair that goes up and down, and the dentist has special tools that will tickle each of Bear's teeth! Oooo how exciting!" Or maybe Bear needs to learn about using the potty. "Uhoh! Bear just told me he has to go potty! Quick, let's take him! Here Bear, you sit on the potty. You're all done? Okay- time to flush and wash our hands. What a big bear you are using the potty! You get a treat!" I remind about when to use a loud voice and when to use a quiet voice. How we use our please, thank you, and you're welcome's. I tell them when I'm proud of their accomplishments. I check in with teachers on how the day went, what's being learned, and what to work on. I witness the day's funny moments and pass on the hysterical comments made. I am the window a working mom sees the life of her child through. That is a job I could not be more honored to have.

So those of you in the field of child care, be the very best that you can be. You may not be making millions of dollars for a company, or making changes effecting the nation, but you are doing the most important task that any parent can ever trust or ask of you- helping to raise and love a child.

TBB Update

As you know, I began the Team Beachbody (TBB) Challenge just two weeks ago and I have to tell you that I'm already noticing a difference in my muscles and strength. And today Matt came home from being away most of these last two weeks and said he noticed a big change in how my legs look!!! I'll be posting a 30-day update in two more weeks and maybe I'll even have some pictures for you.....

I'm loving being active again and seeing results starting! I've been working with my doctor and physical therapist on how to adapt certain routines, or which I need to stay away from and what I can do instead.  I'm already dreaming of which program and challenge I want to do after this one and I've asked my mom to join me. Please let me know if anyone else is interested in joining us! I love that I can do everything at home, with or without weights/resistance bands, and at my own speed. Gym classes are hard to fit into a schedule and also can be intimidating when you're just beginning or have health concerns like I do. The programs are on DVD and everything else is linked online so you can take it when you travel or just from the comfort of home. I will say though, like anything, you have to stay consistent and committed to see results. You'll only get out of it what you put into it. Right now, I'm putting in all I can so I can feel healthier, happier, and stronger!

Hunter's ER Visit

This last weekend Matt was at Nacimiento Lake with some friends for a bachelor party and Hunter and I were home alone. I picked up some extra hours at work on Saturday and Hunter was able to come along with me. The kids were great with him and he loved running, playing, and fetching balls in their backyard. We all went to the park together and the boys took turns walking him on his leash while the little girl and I played on the equipment and in the sand. His tummy got upset while we were there but it was a warm day and I figured he was overly tired from playing outside or he ate something on his walk. It wasn't unusual for our curious little dog to eat something his tummy didn't agree with. 

When we got home I did my workout, took a shower, and warmed up some leftover dinner. Hunter was tired and followed me around but I had left the back door open for him to go out after eating his dinner. After eating I settled in to catch up on the latest episode of So You Think You Can Dance around 9pm. That's when I noticed Hunter emerging from where he was napping under a blanket and his snout looked a little funny to me but I didn't think too much of it. A few minutes later I peeked over at him again and this time I became concerned when I saw his snout looking puffy and wrinkly and wider than usual. I picked him up to see if there was a bite or sting on his snout but couldn't find anything, and he then began itching his nose with his paws. "Poor little guy," I thought, "something must have gotten you," and switched my attention back to the results airing on TV. The next commercial came on and I looked over again and this time Hunter's eyes were red and swollen almost shut and his snout looked even bigger. He looked miserable. And that's when I freaked. Within 10-15 minutes he went from looking fine to looking like something was REALLY wrong. I called my friend Joanna, who also has a little wiener dog, and she gave me the number and address of an animal hospital which another friend, Lyndse, recommended to me at the same time via text and phone calls. I threw on some clothes, picked Hunter up, stuck his harness and leash on, and flew out the door. 

20 minutes later I arrived at the hospital and was rushed inside by a very sweet and friendly nurse. By this time Hunter had raspy breathing and was extremely lethargic. If you know our little dog then you know that's not like him. To say I was concerned would be an understatement. They gave him several shots and then we waited to be sure his swelling was going down before we could go home. We finally got home around 11:30 and headed to bed by midnight. 

Today he's been tired and napping most of the day but he's eaten all his meals (just rice and broth today), and he was very excited to see Matt when he got home. I'm so grateful for friends who helped me when I couldn't think straight and for the staff who was so caring and attentive to Hunter. I'd rather not repeat that experience ever again though. 

Some pictures from Adobe Animal Hospital's website. And no I don't have any pictures of Hunter- I was too busy making sure he was going to be okay :( 

Adobe Animal Hospital, Los Altos, CA

This lobby looked more like a hotel lobby than a doctor's office

This is the same table Hunter was on and where he received numerous shots