Pregnancy Is a Hope, Not a Promise

I am 26 weeks pregnant today. I officially reached the "point of viability" at 24 weeks which simply means that if these babies were to be born today doctors would have to try and save them because they have a chance at survival with a lot of assistance. However, there are no guarantees.

No guarantees- that's how I feel about everything with pregnancy. I think infertility makes you constantly worry, question, and doubt. With each appointment you hold some degree of fear tucked in your heart that this will be the appointment where everything will fall apart, where you will learn that  you will lose this miracle, and you will have to start all over again. You worry that you're setting up the nursery too soon. You question if you're washing tiny clothes that someone may never wear, and wonder what you will do with them when that happens.

Every Saturday I breathe a sigh of relief as I successfully reach another week in this pregnancy. With each kick and punch I feel, a little anxiety eases away...okay, they're still with me, they're still there. I think some moms-to-be bond easily with their baby while pregnant. They whisper sweet words of love to their belly and caress it, promising of the future they'll have together. If I'm painfully honest with you, I haven't been able to get there due to my past miscarriage. It doesn't mean I don't love and cherish these little ones, it just means that my heart is scared because now I know: pregnancy is a hope and not a promise.

Recently I have had several friends receive devastating news regarding their pregnancies- a fatal diagnosis for a little one at 18 weeks, and multiple miscarriages. Once again I'm reminded there are no guarantees and my heart breaks for these dear women. I know what it's like to pray, celebrate, dream, and then grieve. I know what it's like to see the date pass on the calendar that should have been a little one's birthday. And I know what it's like to have to start over. For me, it was literally the absolute worst journey I have ever been on. The appointments, the injections, the exams, the tests, the way your heart stops at every appointment because you fear what the doctor will say, and how your heart breaks even though you told yourself you wouldn't hope...and you realize despite what you told yourself, you were.

So at 26 weeks I find myself sitting in what's to be our nursery, scared and hopeful. I rest my hands on my ever-growing belly, massaging sore spots from feisty little hands and feet, and I pray that these angels will stay put. I pray that they will be born fully-developed and healthy and have long lives. And I pray that someday my heart may be healed from infertility so that I can enjoy the little moments of every day instead of constantly fearing the worst.

26 weeks down, 11 to go. Somehow 11 weeks sounds like so little to go and yet so long to hope.

Practice Makes Perfect

I have been feeding, diapering, and snuggling babies since I was 11-years-old but someone else in our family (no names mentioned of course) has never even held a baby. So with two on the way I was thinking there were some basics we should cover, but first I needed some models...

AHA! Found them!

These two little bears my Grandma Allison made for the babies would be perfect! They're the right size and won't cry in protest, not to mention, they're sooo cute! (And P.S. this rocking chair once belonged to my Grandma Ethel and was passed on to me, and the blanket on the back of the chair was designed and made by my Aunt Debra...so special!)

First, we needed to tackle getting babies dressed because, well, they'll be born in the dead of winter and we don't want them to freeze! Snaps and zippers are two essentials to learn.

Mission accomplished! Now, one of the most important things to know is how to buckle a baby into a car seat because we can't get them home from the hospital otherwise. 

Looking good! Since we're already buckled up, why not practice putting the car seats into the stroller?

And we don't have the other car seat quite yet, but we'll buckle the other in too. Why not?

And once everyone is buckled in, a curious little wiener dog will want to say hi and check things out...

And finally, diapers! This is a little one-size minky cloth pocket diaper from KaWaii (I know that's a lot of cloth diaper lingo...basically it's a cloth diaper that you use one time and wash, and is made of a soft fuzzy fabric). 

So that about covers it! I think the essentials have been covered...although crying, wiggly, tiny babies are a lot different from cuddly bears, I think a little practice never hurts. :) 

A Perfect Shower!

This last Saturday was my baby shower and it was a perfect event! My mom and sister planned everything and made decorations, my aunt offered her home, some friends offered to help with food, and my cousin helped with the floral arrangements (I think I got everyone, so sorry if not!). I had so much fun getting to see my friends and family, eat delicious food, and open adorable gifts!

Thank you so, so much to everyone who came and helped us provide for these two little ones! Here's some pictures of the event (you can click on any picture for a larger view):

The guest books were two adorable children's books about twin boys. My mom added the dachshund baby toy (of course!) and a cute sign about the guest books. 

These twin bunnies were made by my grandma who passed away in 1997 and the cross stitch is from her as well. It was a wonderful way to feel she was there on this special day! My mom made the little "babies" out of infant diapers, baby wash cloths, and baby socks. Too cute! 

The patio was decorated with blue, white, and green - my nursery colors! There were hanging paper dot chains, hanging pom poms, flowers, table runners my mom sewed, and a place of honor for guests to place their gifts. 

Close up of the table and the runners my mom made.

My mom made these table decorations with infant diapers, paci's, and receiving blankets. 

My mom also made these little "cupcakes" with muffin papers, ribbon, onesies, and baby wash cloths. 

My mom and cousin made these floral arrangements. Just the right touch of girliness at a baby shower for little boys!  And they are in the flower vases from my wedding day which was a fun way to remember our journey and reuse them!

The beautiful buffet of food! My sister made the sweet twin banner. We had scones, fresh fruit cups,  an egg casserole, a quiche, and a yogurt bar. There were more gorgeous flower arrangements, too. 

My mom ordered the same AMAZING cinnabun cupcakes we had at my wedding. Matt and I didn't get to have any on our wedding day because our guests enjoyed them all. :) It was another fun way to celebrate this major event for us and we loved being able to eat them to our heart's content! 

23 weeks...just starting 6 months.

Favor basket! My mom had the lovey bears I registered for help decorate the basket. :) The crocheted blanket was made by my Grandma Ethel when my nephew Ben was born.

My sister (Aunt Melissa), my mom (Grandma Donna), and me 

My sister-in-law (Aunt Ashley), me, and my mother-in-law (Grandma Liz)

We were so blessed to receive sooo many wonderful gifts! They didn't all fit in our car on the way home, but my mom is coming to visit this week and will be bringing the rest! There are still some things left on our list to get like cloth diapers and accessories, burp cloths, clothes in sizes 6 months and bigger, a monitor, and some basics like baby lotion and paci's. We are beyond excited to have so many of our most important things ready like car seats and accessories, a stroller, clothes, a bath tub, a twin-sized nursing pillow and nursing accessories, a bouncer, booster seats for high chairs, a sound machine, blankets (many home made with love!), snuggly stuffed animals, and baby toys.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who came, supported us, and showered us with wonderful gifts to get ready for our little ones to come home!!! Thank you also to my family and friends (and my mom especially!) who threw us this incredible shower that was everything I could have ever dreamed of!!!