Quiet Moments

The room is calm and the only sounds are the gentle humming of the sound machine and the peaceful piano notes drifting out of my iPod as the Pandora station plays. I'm slowly rocking back in forth in the rocking chair handed down to me from my grandma, and in the crook of my arm is tucked the sweetest little baby boy. With my eyes I drink in his smooth skin, soft hair, and little lips. His beautiful face peeps out from the folds of a soft, blue blanket and there is a lovey tucked under his arm and snuggled up to his cheek. I cannot believe this little baby is mine. And his brother is sleeping soundly in the crib beside us. These are the moments that I cannot stop the tears from crawling down my face as I try to absorb the miracles I've been given. I stare at their little fingers, fingernails, eyelashes, noses, ears...every tiny bit of them...and I can't imagine having only one of them- or worse, neither.

A year ago I was devastated as I heard of yet another person I knew getting pregnant. "Why not me?!?!" I wanted to shout. I was still mourning my miscarriage and I was gearing up for another torturous round of IVF, unsure if it would even work. Then everyday of my pregnancy I felt as if I was waiting for something to go wrong. After the longest, hardest two years of my life I finally heard the sound I had dreamed of for so, so very long- the sound of Baby A's first cry. I didn't know it was coming but then all of the sudden it was there and the strong wail struck my heart and I knew that was MY son. I asked Matt to wipe the tears off of my face as we eagerly awaited the sound of Baby B's cry, and then that glorious sound filled the room too. His was softer and it took a moment for it to strengthen, in which time I could've sworn my heart stopped beating if it weren't for the monitor overhead beeping and telling me all was well.

Today when I hear those cries I celebrate a little inside because I am their mom. I'm a mom. That truth still struggles to sink in. But in these moments, in my rocking chair, it hits me. And all I can do is weep with joy. Then I grab a tissue from beside me, tuck my sweet baby into bed, and move on to my million other mom duties with a big smile on my face.

I am blessed indeed.

Top: Andrew waking up from nap today but I couldn't capture his smiles on camera
Bottom: Lucas still snoozing away