Grief. It is so powerful and deep and all consuming. And it is hard for others to watch you walk through it; hard to know what to say or do. I thought I would just write a little post to encourage those of you who are struggling with that very aspect, either with us or someone else in your life.
1. Fill their table. Going through grief, I have had no appetite, no energy. But I have a family who still needs nourishment and meals. And we cannot thank our friends and family enough who brought meals and groceries this last month. Even if they couldn't cook, they had something delivered or simply gave cash for us to bring something in. Thank you.
2. Honor their loss. Many friends and family have sent flowers, cards, gifts, personalized gifts, texts, calls, emails, FB messages. All of these things have let us know we are not forgotten. That we are deeply loved by a wide community and that Annalee's life mattered greatly. Thank you.
3. Help shoulder the burden. Some of you have stayed over while we were in the hospital. Some have offered to watch the boys just to give Matt and me time together. Some of you have simply held me as I cried and shared that burden of hurt with me. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for stepping into that dark place with me, holding me, and just crying with me. I will never forgot those moments and those people.
4. Meet practical needs. Perhaps your loved one needs a break, a hand cleaning the house, getting groceries in the fridge, or an errand run. Thank you to those who came and stayed those first days and kept our family running when I could not get out of bed. Thank you to those who took my Littles out of the house when I couldn't get myself together, or watched them when I had yet another doctor appointment to go to.
5. Just be available. Respond to texts, emails, messages, or calls when someone has the courage to reach out and let you know they need you. You don't have to say the "perfect thing" because there is no such thing. You don't have to do it all. Just your presence and response can be enough. Thank you to those who have simply showed up for us.
6. Don't underestimate the power of an, "I'm so sorry." Saying nothing is almost the worst response. Silence doesn't acknowledge loss or ache. But simply saying, "I'm so sorry" truly goes so far. It doesn't matter how much time has gone by and you still haven't said anything. The heart behind those words is so powerful. It lets them know you are grieving with them and they are not alone. Sometimes this simple sentence is exactly the balm my heart needs in a painful moment. Thank you to those of you who have been that balm.
7. And lastly, don't forget. Grief doesn't ever go away. It doesn't have a time limit. It doesn't expire. Check in daily, in a few weeks, in a few months, a few years...continue to let them know you are thinking of them. Because life goes on. And they will feel forgotten. These check-ins remind them that they are not forgotten and that is so powerful. Thank you to those who have been there, doing this throughout this last month, and whom I know will continue to remind us we are in their prayers and thoughts. It helps keep me going.
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