Love Makes a Baby

Huggies commercial

Nexus 10 commerical

Lately I've really been struggling with the fact that we have to make our baby in THE most painful way possible. Physically, emotionally, mentally- there is nothing that is not challenging in this process. I'm envious of those with surprise babies created after a carefree moment together, and those who wake up and think, "Hmm maybe I should take a test today?" I can't stand to watch the newest Huggies commercial with the woman who gets a positive test and celebrates with her husband, and I cry over the new Nexus 10 commercial with the growing family. Everywhere I turn I see couples with infants, and families, and my heart hurts and wonders if that will ever be us.

Then a dear friend sent me a link to another blog and my whole way of thinking was suddenly challenged. It became clear to me that our baby would actually be created in MORE love than a baby who is created in a moment of intimacy. That really struck a chord in my heart.

Our love is not just contained in a bedroom. Our love has gone so much further than that. Our love is at every doctor appointment. In every poke of a needle. In every blood test. In every ultrasound. In every test result. And in every side effect. Our love is evident in every phone call: between California and China; between us, nurses, and doctors; and in late night calls to the on-call emergency number. Our love is there in my emotional breakdowns and Matt holding me, when he cares for me because I'm sick from a procedure or medications, and when we dream about our future with hope and faith. We have to show a whole lot more love to make this baby than most people!

Infertility is tough on a marriage but the challenges we have faced have brought us closer together, and we are more in love than ever. We discuss things that most couples never have to think of. We make huge decisions together. We support one another.

I am so thankful for Matt as he allows me to cry on his shoulder, props me up when I am feeling pessimistic, and cheers me up when I am having a bad day. All of the challenges of infertility have grown the love in our marriage. And the love and commitment we've shown to one another will someday make our baby.

I've just begun another series of injections as we prepare to transfer (hopefully) two of our babies in mid-April. I currently have injections every Tuesday and Friday but soon we will add a daily injection, too. Matt has another trip to China coming up so I will be heading to Ventura to stay with my parents and my mom will continue my injections for me.

The love in creating our baby does not just include Matt and me, but includes the love of my entire family, and for that I am truly blessed. I still struggle with seeing things come so easily to others, but I now know that in the end it won't matter and I need only focus on our love.