Retrievals, OHSS, and Embabies

I'd laugh at my last post if I knew I could do so without throwing up. Ugh. Let me catch you up on the last 10 days....

As planned on Saturday (March 9th), I arrived at my doctor's surgical suite free of fluids and food after a 12+ hour fast and nervously donned my open-backed gown, surgical slippers, and hair cap (I looked adorable, I'm sure). I laid on the table and nervously chatted with the nurse while she checked my blood pressure, started IV's, and monitored my stats. When the doctor was ready, I was sent off into a medical-induced slumber with thoughts of how this would all be worth it in the end. When I woke up, I remember seeing my doctor's face hovering over the bed and him telling me, "Staci, I have some bad news..." Wait, what? That's not what he's supposed to say. He continued to tell me that something went wrong with my trigger shot, so when he went into the follicle to retrieve the egg, there was no egg. Are you confused about what that means? Let's do a quick science lesson.

During IVF the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) takes complete control of a woman's cycle through the use of medications given by injections. These medications/hormones cause the follicles (the part that releases an egg during ovulation) to grow, and the larger they grow the more mature the egg will be that gets released. And the more mature the egg, the better the chance of a strong embryo. So in IVF the goal is to create as many large follicles as possible, at a steady rate, and then give a trigger shot to make the woman ovulate and have all those follicles release their eggs at once so they can be collected during the retrieval procedure.

It turns out that the medication in my trigger shot was bad (which we will be following up with the manufacturer about) so although we gave the time-specific injection correctly, I didn't ovulate. Thankfully, my RE only tried four follicles before stopping and conducting some tests to confirm what he suspected had happened, so we still had follicles left to try and retrieve at another time. My doctor said this is extremely rare and has only happened to one other patient of his. After going through the whole growing process, she only had one follicle to retrieve from. She lost her whole round of IVF due to faulty meds in her trigger shot. It broke my heart to hear that story but reminded me to be thankful of my blessings.

The nurse drew up a new syringe for me and sent me home with instructions for a new trigger shot and surgery time. When the time came, we prepped, injected, and then... the syringe broke and the medicine started leaking out. At this point, I lost it. Really!? What else could go wrong?! This whole cycle felt like it was falling apart at every turn. I was bruised from so many shots, couldn't breathe due to being so bloated with large follicles, exhausted, sore, and heavy-hearted from the whole process. I didn't know how much more I could handle and I desperately wished I could just have a baby like everyone else. While I was bawling my eyes out in my daddy's arms, my mom was quickly trying to salvage any meds left in the syringe and inject them with a new one. Matt was on the phone with our doctor (at 11pm) trying to figure out how to get me enough meds so that this salvage attempt could now be salvaged. Thankfully I had saved my remaining trigger shot from December and brought it with me so we were able to use that to make up for the lost amount and complete the injection. The next day I went to the doctor and demanded they do some tests to confirm I had ovulated and it would work after all the chaos. There was just no way my heart could handle waking up and hearing bad news again. With confirmation, we headed back on Monday (the 11th) for another try at retrieval. I was extremely anxious that there would be any eggs left after all the disasters we had faced, and nervously drifted off to sleep on the table. This time when I woke, we were greeted with good news that our RE had been able to get 22 eggs, and we were packed up and sent home to recover.

My last recovery consisted of a lot of rest, some pain, and minimal nausea. This recovery has been nothing like that. The first day consisted of the trifecta of constipation, diarrhea, and vomiting, and it's only gotten worse from there. There's been days of endless nausea, and nights of throwing up every hour. Have you ever thrown up so hard that you've peed your pants? Yeah that's happened. More than once. I have anti-nausea and pain meds but the trick is being able to keep them down. There's been days that I'm so miserable I can barely register what's going on around me or what's on tv. I can't breathe if I lay down (not to mention the pain of getting up causes more vomiting) so I have to sleep sitting up on the couch, which doesn't account for much sleep, and means a lot of neck aches. My whole body is exhausted from lack of sleep, exertion of vomiting, and overall misery. There's been times I feel panic attacks coming on at the fear of never feeling better or like myself again. I'm currently still in pain- barely managed to not vomit last night- and have windows where at least my mind is clear even if my body is not. My doctor suspects at least another 3-4 days before I start to feel better so I'm trying to hang in there. Why am I so sick? Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS: read more here and here). I am right on the edge between moderate and severe, and my doctor has told me he'll admit me to the hospital if I show even one more symptom of severe OHSS. I really don't want to have to do that though!

The light at the end of the tunnel is that through all this, our 22 embryo babies created on the 11th have become 11 frozen embryo babies as of the 17th. Last time we started with 18 embabies and ended with 4, so this round went a lot better in the sense of its end goal. The whole process of this round began on February 10th, today is March 18th, and transfer can't happen until April or maybe even May. To say the path of IVF requires endurance is an understatement! And while I know it's true, if I hear even one more person say, "But it will all be worth it in the end!" (with a big smile on their face, as the cherry on top) I am- absolutely- going to scream. Please step into my shoes over these (almost) 40 days and then tell me how you feel.

Matt has been my knight in shining armor through this all. He has done everything possible to try and make me more comfortable, take care of me, and nurse me back to health. He's done the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, and driving. He's made late night runs for medicine and saltines, been in touch with our doctor, taken care of any calls and messages for me, and taken care of Hunter. He's fetched buckets, cold wash clothes, and tissues. When we had to head back north (so he could go back to work this week) he packed all our things and put them in the car (which was a lot as I was in Ventura for 3 weeks and he arrived from China) and then unpacked everything when we got home. He's slept on the couch with me as well as sat up all night rubbing my back as I was bent over a bucket. He has been incredible through all this, and as embarrassing as this all can be, never once has he done anything but love me and care for me in the most gentle way. My husband is a true blessing and I could never fully express my true appreciation for him!

Besides from the love of Matt, I am so thankful for Matt's sister, Ashley, who sent me beautiful flowers, and my Auntie Den who brought me a care package of Smart Water, treats, and relaxing music. My parents also lovingly hosted us, fed us, and helped me while Matt was in China. My mom did almost all my shots this round, and there were several who offered to bring us anything if needed (my sister, Auntie Den, Matt's parents, and a few FB friends)- thank you!

As you can see through all this, IVF is no easy path. So many people think it's "just making a baby" and really don't know what it means to the heart, body, or mind of the woman and couple going through it. It is so easy to feel alone and like no one cares about your struggle because what's challenging to you comes so easy to others, and that's what makes the support of friends and family so needed. Thank you for all your love and care, and please continue to pray for my recovery and our future babies.

Love,
Staci


As if all this isn't embarrassing enough, here's a picture of what OHSS bloating looks like (after retrieval the follicles release a lot of fluid into the abdomen which can press up into the diaphragm and make it hard to breathe, as well as move, and is extremely painful):

The painful irony of going through infertility treatments and looking like you're pregnant