An Afternoon Visitor

Today my freshman year college roommate came over to visit from Danville and brought a super sweet gift for the babies! It's been ages since we've been able to visit and catch up, so we enjoyed the afternoon doing just that!

Thanks so much for visiting Katie and for the love and time you poured into your gift! It means so, so much!!!

Gift Basket! (and you know I LOVE a good basket!)

Blankets homemade by Katie!

Two fun books! One of my favorites is on the left and one of Matt's favorites is on the left! :)

An Adventurous Day & A Special Delivery

It's been a looonnggg time since I've been to the grocery store and let me tell you why: the smell of cooking chicken. YUCK! I barely made it through the check out line last time, so Matt has faithfully been taking my list and doing all the shopping for weeks now. What a guy!

On Friday I was feeling adventurous though. So adventurous in fact, that I decided to go to the market. WHOA! I know, watch out, my thrill levels are off the chart! I examined the ads for things that might look appetizing at some point this week, checked my list on the fridge of foods I'm supposed to be eating, made my grocery list, grabbed my reusable bags, and bravely headed out the door to face my evil chicken enemy!

I drove all of the two blocks to the market and parked. Whew! Step 1 accomplished! Next, I headed towards the sliding doors, stepped inside, sniffed lightly, and my nose approved- hooray! I was pretty sure I could beat the smell of chicken today! I made my rounds through the market, possibly grabbing some things that were not on my list (but who can blame a girl if raw green beans and Moosetrack ice cream suddenly sound AMAZING?!), and headed towards the check out line. So far, so good. I was just about to push my cart away when my sweet special needs checker told me I looked very pretty, which of course, warmed my heart! So I got in my car feeling pretty good about myself for accomplishing the shopping (and looking "pretty") and headed home.

About one block down the street I encountered another special needs person, only this one had taken her shoes and jacket off, laid them down in the middle of the two lanes, and was dancing around the street while yelling at the drivers for getting in her way. Umm okay, random. One notch down on my "successful day belt" ...except for the fact that I didn't hit her and she didn't hit me...one notch back up!

One block later, I made it home! I loaded my arms up with grocery bags feeling very victorious and then saw this...

Umm, so apparently while I was at the market, the UPS man delivered the cribs. Well that would be awesome if only my hands weren't full of groceries, the crib boxes didn't weigh a million pounds, and they weren't completely blocking my front door. What's a girl to do?! First, look around for a strong man...nope, none to be found. Second, set down all my groceries and snap a picture for Facebook. (Obviously!) Third, (carefully) tilt a box on its side and slide it through the door, then follow with the second box. Finally, put my feet up, rest, and drink a big glass of water while I wait for Matt to get home and move them upstairs. ;) All in all, I'd say that was a pretty successful day for me! 

And for those curious minds...here's some snapshots of one of the cribs put together. We'll be moving some things to storage and setting up the room (and other crib) later but for now we wanted to make sure we liked it and the crib mattress fit:

I can't tell you how surreal it is to have a crib set up in OUR house for one of OUR babies. What a blessing!!!

Side Note: We picked these cribs because their shape and size allows for multiple ways to arrange them in the room since we have a small space and two cribs. We'll also be getting a white dresser to use as a changing table. We thought the white furniture would help the small room look less crowded with so much furniture in it. I always thought I'd want a beautiful sleigh crib or one with a high side on it, but hey, you gotta go with what you need and what works! And it turns out we really like the simple design of these cribs and their quality. :) We will keep the donors' names private, but they were a gift to us and we couldn't be more THANKFUL!!!! We love them! 

Wiener Nationals 2013

Matt and I were quite devastated when we heard Golden Gate Fields may not be doing a wiener dog race this year. We were constantly checking online, waiting to see if they would bring it back, and finally there it was! Matt quickly signed Hunter up, begged me to start training him again (to which I usually replied, "I'm pretty sure this dog knows how to run!"), and of course, started psyching Hunter up for his next big debut.

Unfortunately, when the time came for the event, I was too sick to go but our good friend Dermot told Matt he would go and help with the race. Our other friend Julie agreed to go and cheer Hunter on! From what I heard, Hunter had so much fun meeting all the other dogs, licking all the children, and trying to escape out to the track so he could run in every race.

When it finally came time for his event, Dermot took Hunter to the starting line and Matt waited with one of his favorite toys- a big, colorful, bouncy ball- at the finish line. The dogs lined up, the whistle blew, and Hunter was off in the lead. And then something tragic happened. Another dog veered straight towards Hunter and body slammed into him while another dog tried to jump Hunter from behind. Poor Hunter seemed terrified (as noted in photo below)! The dog who went out of his way to hunt poor Hunter down, went on to win first place and later race in the finals where he body slammed yet another dog. I would have to say that dog should be disqualified for poor sportsmanship but apparently there's no sportsmanship rules in wiener races. Oh well. At least this year Hunter ran and didn't just dig in the dirt like last year! :)

Matt at the finish line, in a purple racing jersey, tempting Hunter with one of his favorite toys 

Hunter is in the purple racing jersey, looking scared by the mean weenie to the right barking at him, while almost getting jumped by the dog behind him

**Video will only play on computer** 

Hunter is third in from the left. Our friend Julie had the whole crowd cheering for him! 

End of the First Trimester

As I start my second trimester on Saturday, I have come to the conclusion that some women excel at being pregnant and some women, well, don't. Turns out I'm one of those women who don't. Who knew? When I thought of pregnancy I had always assumed my checklist would look like this:

• Glowing
• Cute, round bump
• Living my normal life, just with a cute bump
• Spending time with friends, with a cute bump
• Having fun cravings and eating a yummy array of food
• Dreaming with my husband about our cute future child...note: just one child at a time

Turns out my reality-check checklist looks more like this:

• Glowing.... only if defined as intense acne like I am 14-years-old again
• Bump that looks more like I ate too much steak dinner... a few too many times
• Nausea = morning sickness, afternoon sickness, night sickness... aka all day long sickness and throwing up
• Headaches and endless fatigue
• Cramping and crazy back pain
• Never seeing friends because the toilet and couch are my new best friends
• Panicking with my husband over the reality of babies...note: PLURAL...and what that will mean for our future, as well as worrying if they will be healthy

Life just never seems to go the way you think it will. As miserable as I have been though, I have to remind myself that I am so blessed to be here. I would so rather be miserable for nine months than be left to wonder what it would have been like and never experience it for myself. We are so blessed to have these miracles after a year of medications and procedures. There are so many women who go through all of that for even longer and still have empty arms. So while reality doesn't look anything like I had hoped and imagined, it's still okay. 

So without further ado, for the first time, we would like to introduce you to our two little ones! (Click on each picture for a bigger image.)

Our babies as embryos. Baby A is hatching, which means it is breaking through and ready to implant. Baby B implanted a day or so after.

Their growth over the weeks. We saw the first heartbeat just before 6 weeks.

At the end of the first trimester. They're turning over, moving around, and responding to my movement.

Early Surprise

For a very long time, I never thought I would be pregnant. Infertility became more than a word- it became my very identity. It was my everyday, my every thought, my every breath. And then suddenly that all changed.

Top picture: taken 7 days post transfer. Bottom picture: taken 9 days post transfer

One week after my transfer I was convinced it didn't work, yet with the hope that only an infertile woman can understand, I decided to test. And before the time was even up I saw what I thought was a very faint +. Immediately I ran downstairs to find Matt, who was cooking breakfast for us at the stove, and showed him the test. 

"What does this look like to you?" I asked him, truly not sure I was seeing what I thought I was. He looked up at me with surprise and replied, "You took a test???" 

"Yes," I said, "What does this look like?" I needed to hear from him what my own eyes were telling me.

"A plus," he said, "Is that a positive?!" He asked with a huge smile. 

"I think so!" I smiled back at him. And then my best friend gave me a victory kiss, celebrating the long, hard journey we had come through. 

Two days later I tested again. I couldn't help but wonder if that blue sign would be even darker, and sure enough, it was. 

What some of you may not know is that this was really early to take a pregnancy test. Typically you won't see a positive sign until at least 14 full days after the procedure, and even then it will most likely be faint. The fact that this showed up only 7 days after the transfer should have been my first hint at twins! 

When I went for my first beta test (a blood test checking for HCG, a pregnancy hormone) I was surprised to hear the number come back at 976. In my last pregnancy the first beta came back around 100 so this was a much higher number. That gave me hope but I was still terrified for the second beta test. Two days after the first test the doctor has the test repeated. If the numbers double then it's a good start to the pregnancy. If they go down then it's going to be a miscarriage, which is what happened to me last time. So when my second number came back at 2526, more than doubled, I was shocked! That should have been my second clue it was twins but I was just shocked both tests were positive! (Note: A typical singleton pregnancy could have numbers around 200 and then go up to 400, so you can see how mine were much higher at 976 and 2526.)

So on our first ultrasound when we saw those two little babies, I think time stood still. Over the weeks I waited to see what would happen. It's not unusual to lose one of the babies early on, yet with each ultrasound I continually heard two distinct heartbeats. I can't even tell you what that sounds like to my ears. It's the sweetest miracle I could ever dream of!!! 

I'll be honest and say the thought of twins terrifies me. The expenses are immense and the task of caring for two infants feels overwhelming. When we set out to start a family we never thought or planned for two babies but here we are. Yet as terrified as I am, I feel so incredibly blessed! If you've followed our journey then you know what I have gone through to get here: the tests, traveling, procedures, shots, medications, sickness, side effects, heartaches. So now as I near the end of my first trimester I feel like I'm holding my breath. I continually ask myself if this is real. I look at my stomach and wonder at the two lives inside me, each the size of a lime now. It's the most surreal thing! I dream of the day I will feel them kick and have a cute baby bump to show. To me, that's when I think I'll actually feel pregnant. Until then, I'm just reveling in the fact that my prayers have finally been answered, even if it's not as I thought they would be, and continue to pray that all goes well as we move forward. There's much that I'm unsure about but there's even more that I'm excited about! 

Our Journey

Some women never know the pain and heartache of trying to get pregnant.

Some women define trying to conceive as spending countless moments together with their loved one and testing every month. They’re unaware of those who receive a devastating diagnosis, experience countless doctor appointments, invasive tests and procedures, expensive medications, and painful injections…all in the hopes of making a baby.

Some women never know what it is to choose between the next procedure that could make their dreams of a family come true, or keeping their life savings. Some women run out of money with still no child in their arms and have to pretend to the world their family is complete without the children they ache for.

Some women never imagine what it’s like to grieve the loss of never being pregnant. To hear a doctor say you have no choice in the matter because your body is physically unable to do what you always assumed it would. To never have that positive test, the ultrasounds, the tiny kicks, the delivery, and the moment when they lay that sweet bundle in your arms and you lose your heart even more than you thought possible.

Some women complain through their entire pregnancy, unaware of the infertile women who would be willing to have the worst side effects ever if it just meant they could be pregnant.

Some women post a stream of announcements, pictures, and videos on Facebook of their pregnancy and birth, unaware of how those posts affect the infertile women whose hearts are breaking.

Some women never have a miscarriage. They don’t know what it is to love something precious and lose it. To grieve someone you never saw face-to-face. To miss someone you only met in your heart.

These are all things I’ve thought about and experienced in our last eight months on this constant IVF journey. I can’t tell you how many times my heart has been broken, the tears I’ve cried, and the pain I’ve endured. Yet going through all this makes us appreciate our blessings so much more, which is why we are so proud to announce that I am pregnant and expecting twins in December!  

This is a miracle not every infertile women is given and we are so very thankful! However, we also understand the fragile gift that it is and know that, especially after our past losses, it is not guaranteed. We hope and pray that, God-willing, we meet these children just before Christmas.

We ask that you help us help other couples we know who are trying to conceive by not posting anything on our Facebook pages about this pregnancy. As someone who has been hurt numerous times by the surprise announcement or ultrasound picture, I would never want to hurt someone else by doing the same thing. We plan on posting occasionally on our blog with updates but I will not be posting things on Facebook. If you want to get our pregnancy updates, please be sure to follow our blog by email. You can do so by entering your email on the top, right hand side of our blog and follow the prompts provided (your email address is secure, protected, and will not be used for any purpose other than receiving notifications when we’ve loaded a new post). 

Although we do not want anything on our Facebook walls, we would love to hear from you privately! Please feel free to private message us, leave comments on the blog, email, text, or call us. Thank you for joining us in celebrating this tremendous blessing and we ask that you be praying with us for the health and safety of our babies. Thank you to all of those who have been with us faithfully throughout our journey!

A Weekend at The Phoenician

Several weeks ago Matt and I decided we needed a weekend getaway: something inexpensive where we could use Matt's flight and hotel points, something easy to get to (and we wouldn't need a rental car so we could save money), and something where we could relax and do nothing for a few days with no obligations. Several good friends highly recommended a place to us called The Phoenician, and at first I was skeptical (because, well, it's in Phoenix, Arizona), but then we looked into it and realized it met everything on our list! We could use points for our room and flight, it's a short flight followed by a short taxi ride to the resort, and they had nine gorgeous pools we could sit by...all...day...long. Perfect! So we booked our trip, packed our bags, left Hunter with my parents, caught a ride to the airport from Matt's dad, and arrived in Phoenix! We were upgraded to a beautiful suite that was more of a condo than hotel room (Matt's travel does pay off!) and included a living room, dining room, two balconies, kitchen, bedroom, walk-in closet, and two incredible bathrooms. We spent all day Saturday and Sunday lounging by the pool, talking, laughing, swimming, and dining. It was exactly the getaway weekend we needed and we would definitely go back! 

Here's a (LOT!) of pictures of the resort and our mini-vacation (please excuse our mess!):

Foyer (kitchen to left, guest bathroom to right)

Living Room

Dining Room

Living Room looking towards foyer and kitchen

Kitchen

Guest Bathroom 

Guest Bathroom

Guest Bathroom

Bedroom

Bedroom Walk-In Closet

Bedroom Mini-Bar

Bedroom Bathroom

Bedroom Bathroom

Bedroom Bathroom

Partial view of one balcony

View from balcony

On the balcony after a day at the pool

One of the pools at night looking towards the main hotel (yes, Matt took this picture!)

Another pool at night (Matt also took this)

Night swim

Flowers in the cactus garden

Flowers in the cactus garden

Snapshot from the cactus garden

Snapshot from the cactus garden

Thank you so much to my parents for hosting Hunter at Camp Fab for the weekend and to Matt's parents for getting us to and from the airport!